My birthday is tomorrow and I bet no one even cares. I have had a shitty birthday almost every year. Someone usually ends up making me feel bad and ruining my day. I really doubt this year will be any different. 

I’ve always been a private person. It’s never been a concern of mine to have tons of friends and tell them all of my secrets. In the last couple years I have made a lot more friends and that’s great. I love them all for the most part but I feel like it’s made me more of a private person. 

Recently, I have been holding back a lot of secrets from everyone. It’s a lot scarier to have more friends. There are more friends to judge you if you do something they think is wrong. For example, none of my current friends know my actual grades in school. I am legitimately scared to tell them because they ALL get straight A’s in school and complain when they get B’s. To tell you the truth, I have never gotten why people take school so seriously… is that really what you want to be remembered for when you die? It’s not that I am not as smart as them because I often get better then some of them on standardized tests, it’s that I think about life differently.

I guess what I getting at is that I feel like no one understands or would understand a lot of things I am going through and that out of my friends I feel like I have no one to talk to. Also, that if I actually did take the time to talk to someone about my problems someone would judge me. Why does everything suck?

To start off, I am so happy that it is the end of the quarter at the college. I really have no finals except to write a five page story for fiction. It’s either going to be a zombie parable(inside joke) or the beginning of a book that I have been writing the entire quarter. At the moment, I am leaning towards the zombie parable. Honestly, I think it has the potential of having both a set of strong characters and an interesting theme. Plus, I think I can get an A on it which would be hilarious beings that one of my good friends has insisted on telling me it is impossible to get an A just because she didn’t in that class. It’s really too bad I am always convinced that everyone hates me and everything that I do so I never actually submitted work for everyone to  look at. Oh the joys of social anxiety and not being able to take criticism very well.

This week I started to help coach my sisters softball team and I am hoping it will go well. It’s with my dad and some other guy. I am really afraid no one will take me seriously because I am young but I really do know what i am talking about… more so then the other guy for sure. Anyway, that’s is all I really want to talk about today.

Thanks for reading,

Megan <3 

I miss blogging every day so I think I am going to start again.

mychildwill:

(submitted by make-mommy-proud )

I have not felt so sad for a long time. Maybe I will talk about it another time but I am not sure for now. All I know is that I need to listen to The Kooks and watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer because they always make me feel better.

Did this junior year, it was so fun . :*(